Siblings
by Anor1772
Summary: Hopefully an original idea. New chapter up, if the rating's wrong, send me a PM and I'll change it. Reviews, CC, flames, and praisings are accepted.
1. Ununiness The prefix un

Disclaimer: Don't own Eva, sorry to dissapoint you.

A/N: This story occurs after EOE. It also has some elements from the manga.

Thank you for your attention.

(-)(-)(-)

"WHERE IS PARIS?"

This simple question was uttered by one Shinji Ikari, who, while saying these words in a relatively loud manner, sat up quickly from his bed, breaking the shackles that held him prisoner to sleep, and reached his hands into the air.

After remaining in this position for a few seconds, our valiant anti-hero let himself fall back into bed. He tilted his head to the side, so he could get a look at the time.

'14 minutes, 6 hours, 22 days, 4 months, and 2 years after Third Impact' were Shinji's inaccurate thoughts. Inaccurate because the odds of Third Impact happening exactly at the first minute of October 2015 are low, at best. (Didn't get the joke? Ignore it, it's not that funny) This, of course, lets us know that the moment in which this story begins would be somewhere around 2018, February 22nd, and 6:12 a.m. It also gives us a great opportunity to retell the events that followed after Third Impact.

As is suggested by many, after Third Impact and the 'beach scene', with Asuka and Shinji, humanity started to come back. All of our characters important enough to have a name came back, excluding (unsurprisingly, I might add) Gendo Ikari and SEELE. Besides this, someone else (kinda) important to the story came back. This person being a small little girl who, until now, didn't have a name. She's Touji's little sister, and is called-

"Baka, why'd you wake me up so early?"

We'll change our attention from Shinji, currently taking his time to remember the events that brought his redheaded roommate to his bed, to a small pair of parentheses: ( ). Isn't that lovely?

Anyways, I take this opportunity to remind you that, in this story, only a few seconds have passed since Shinji let the world know that he had no idea where Paris is.

Back to Shinji's thoughts, to explain the events that led to Asuka being in our hero's (didn't I say he was an anti-hero before?) bed, we'll just have a flashback…in Misato's POV.

(FLASHBACK! IN MISATO'S POV! gasp)

I decided to bend my routine a bit and skip my visit to the bar. I was just too tired to go and put myself in a near-comatose state, only to have Ryoji take me to his house and wear it off by screwing me 'till kingdom come.

Seriously, all I wanna do tonight is go home and fall on my bed without being disturbed because of anything short of Fourth Impact knocking at our doors. After all, being Sub Commander of NERV is no easy task…

Ok, that's a lie. After Third Impact, we've had nothing to do. Since we defeated all the angels, and SEELE was nothing more than a pile of goo, there were no real threats that involved NERV. Sure, we did synch tests on a regular basis, in case a non-human threat showed up (a law was created that prohibits the use of evangelions against human forces); but I'm not sure Ritsuko even records the results anymore. She's too busy playing Battleships with Maya. Damn that girl can sink those ships!

Anyways, the last time we had any work was a whole bunch of paperwork. It all started when the father of a little girl, who was apparently injured in the attack of the third angel, organized a massive lawsuit against NERV. The accusations ranged from psychological damages all the way to armed robbery. It was the last one that made the jury doubt the sanity of the litigant party. They didn't get a penny from NERV…twits.

As I walk down the hallway towards my apartment, I can't help but wonder what the name of the little girl was. I keep forgetting…she's the sister of that kid, Shinji's friend. His name was…Suzahiro…Suzahera…Suzuhara! Right, he's Toji Suzuhara, and his sister's called-

"OH, SHINJI, SHINJI, SHINJ-AAH!"

No, no, it wasn't Shinji, it was- wait a minute.

As I spin on my heel, I make a quick assessment of the situation and a change of plans. Maybe a drink or two wouldn't do any harm.

(END FLASHBACK)

"So? All the screaming left you deaf? Maybe you wanna hear me scream some more…?" Asuka teased, interrupting Shinji's thoughts.

"Uh, well, um…" One would think that, after two years of normality and getting laid, Shinji would stop his usual role as the STAMMERATRON 3000. One would be wrong.

"You're so fun to tease" Asuka said, with a grin on her face. Then, after positioning herself on top of Shinji, she attempted to wrestle Shinji's tongue with her own. Unsurprisingly, she was successful.

They parted for a moment; a moment which Shinji used to voice his opinion. He wasn't sure of the exact series of events that transpired last night, since he remembered most of it in a blur. But he was sure of one thing.

"I love you, Asuka"

"I love you too Shinji-kun"

(-)(-)(-)

Unbeknownst to the unwary pilots, the sadistic gears of destiny had been put in motion to create an unannounced barrier of unbounded possibilities to impede their unacceptable love, for such state of peace love and happiness would be unable to entertain an audience, as proved by the series Everwood, whose level of boringness, dullness, and unfunniness (yes, the word exists) remains unabated.

Ununniness.

(-)(-)(-)

Five hours later, Shinji was happily preparing breakfast for two.

In his past, all he had ever experienced was pain. The terrible death of his mother, which he had been witness to. Because of this, the terrible transformation of his father that led to his abandon. Then, the arrival of the angels and having to pilot the eva, while being used as a tool for his father's plans which, eventually, led to Third Impact.

But after all that, things seemed to be changing for the better. His life was finally gaining a semblance to normality, if there was such a thing. And now, he had the girl of his dreams waiting for him with open arms.

Speaking of arms, a pair of them slid around Shinji's waist, from his back, and embraced him, pulling him out of his thoughts. In that moment, Shinji realized that Asuka wasn't just the girl of his dreams. He loved her, and was willing to spend the rest of his life with her.

"Mmm, scrambled eggs? Can I get some Shinji with that?" Asuka whispered the words into Shinji's ear, in as seductive a voice she could muster.

"Umm, A-asuka, I have t-to take care of b-breakfast" Shinji managed to stammer out; while Asuka pulled him away from the stove and began pushing him softly towards the couch.

"Breakfast can wait, I wanna take care of my other appetites…" she replied wearing a mischievous smile, before throwing him onto the couch, laying on top of him, and holding his arms above his head. Not that he was offering much resistance. (I know I wouldn't…)

'And I thought that after a night of sex followed by five hours of making out would be enough for her…' were Shinji's last thoughts, before his mind kicked into overdrive.

In the middle of the…let's call it feeding sessions, the phone started to ring. By this point, Shinji had recovered his capacity for basic thoughts, and the ringing phone reminded him of his duties, which included what used to be scrambled eggs.

"A-asuka, please, I have to get back to cooking and maybe you should answer the phone" Shinji said, with a newfounded determination in his voice, as he pulled away from Asuka.

"No 'sorry'? Well, just because of that I won't be mad at you. But don't think you can get away, my little baka" Asuka replied as she began unbuttoning his shirt. With her mouth.

By now the phone was on its seventh ring, and, whoever was calling, got the answering machine.

"Hey, Shinji! Pick up, I don't have all day" came the voice of his fellow stooge, Kensuke Aida. "Anyways, remember how the devil said that she was conceived in a test tube, and she wanted to meet her father?"

(FLASHBACK! IN THIRD PERSON! gasp)

"I was conceived in a test tube and I want to meet my father"

(END FLASHBACK)

By this point, Asuka had stopped struggling with Shinji's shirt, and was paying attention to the message.

"Well anyways, since she knew that I am the greatest hacker there is" ("yeah right"-added Asuka) "she asked me to hack into the sperm bank's records and look for her father. Well, she actually threatened to kill my mother while she slept. Then I told her my mother was dead, and she said that she'd make sure I'd get to see her again…Anyways, I found her father"

By this point, the two pilots were so immersed in the message that they didn't notice the front door opening and closing.

"Her father's name is…"

(-)(-)(-)

Misato entered her apartment after a night at Kaji's house. For some unknown reason, nobody ever called him by his first name.

As she entered the living room, she could feel the stench of burned food hanging in the air, then she heard the message. She instantly knew what was going on, and the tension and expectation were so thick that they were palpable, hanging in the air. For this reason, Misato couldn't keep moving. Fucking tension…

(-)(-)(-)

Asuka had stopped moving her mouth down Shinji's shirt. The only reason she didn't get up and answer the phone now was because there was a big piece of tension hanging on top of her.

She looked up to catch Shinji's eyes in hers, and he gave her a reassuring smile. As long as they were together, everything would be fine.

(-)(-)(-)

"…Gendo Rokubungi" came the end of Kensuke Aida's message. "Anyways, make sure the devil gets that, I don't wanna die just yet. Well, see ya man" CLICK

"Shinji you sick bastard…" Misato's voice cut through the air.

"You sick, sick man…"

(-)(-)(-)

A/N: Well there you have it. I haven't seen anything like that anywhere so I hope it is an original idea. Don't expect an update anytime soon, since I gotta figure out how I'm gonna proceed.

Please, read and review. Hell, I'll even take the flames. It's funny when people over the internet try to get to you. It's even funnier when it works.

I'm not completely sure of the pairings, so you just might, I tense, might convince me of doing what you want it to be. If you're trying to convince me, make sure you give me a good reason, not just "ZOMFG, DO REI, ASUKA'S A TOTAL BTICH AND REI IS LIKE SUPER H0T!1!1!" or "DUDE, DEFNITIELY ASUKA, REI HAS LIKE NO FELEINGS!1!11!ONE".

Well, I hope my ramblings don't go to waste and you actually review this.

Anyways, OMAKE TIME!

"The true meaning of EOE"

In an unknown place at an unkown time and in an unknown way, a group of people are gathered around a dark table.

"Ok ok, I've got a good one. I bet you Unit 01, Lillith, AND the Lance, that I can manage to get my son, Shinji 'I hate myself' Ikari, to a beach alone with the Second Child with no human around in a 50 miles radius" came Gendo Ikari's drunken voice.

"Does it count if there are human souls or the components of the human body?" came Fuyutsuki's not-so-collected voice.

"No" was Gendo's reply.

"Pffft, that's easy" Keele's message boomed across the room. So did the fact that he had been having way too many tequila shots.

"Indeed" SEELE-02 commented.

"We will not give hic over the mass production evas over such an easy task" SEELE-03 added.

"Indeed" was SEELE-02's contribution.

"You must manage something harder, Ikari!" was SEELE-04's message, before passing out.

"Indeed" SEELE-02 said. Yet again.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Keele screamed angrily at SEELE-02, causing the poor monolith to break down into sobs.

"Very well. I will get the second and third child in a beach, alone. With the third on top of the second without being rejected" Gendo refuted.

"NOW we're hic talking" SEELE-05 said.

"Indee-"SEELE-02 attempted to say.

"SHUT UP DAMMIT!" Keele screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Good. Do this, and we shall hand over the MP Evas. Fail, and we shall have control of Unit-01, Lillith, the Lance, AND Adam"

"Very well…" came Gendo Ikari's reply.

"Ikari! What are you doing?" Fuyutsuki pleaded.

"SILENCE FUYUTSUKI! This bunch of old geezers will soon be crying at the loss of their precious MP Evas…" came Gendo's voice. "Goodbye, old men"

And with this, Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki ended the transmission.

Several months later…

Two puddles of goo are having a conversation.

"See? I told you I could do it! Now gimme my MP Evas!"

"Idiot…"

(-)(-)(-)

Preread by RedShadow and Somewhere N of A (a.k.a. the Grammar Nazi). I'll pay ya back someday.


	2. Toilet waterBomb that fel on Misatoshire

Disclaimer: Don't own Eva, sorry to disappoint you.

(-)(-)(-)

Walking down the street, a figure clad in white made more than a few heads turn in her direction. An aura of purity glowed around her pale skin, making her outshine the rest of the pedestrians.

As she graciously glided around a corner, she moved her head in the opposite direction, so that when she turned it back, her short hair danced with the wind while her face gave a small smirk of self-satisfaction.

It was with these actions that the girl with blue hair and a unique color of eyes made sure anyone watching would think of nothing but the words drop dead gorgeous.

As the T.V. screen showed her walk away, words appeared at the bottom of the screen while a silky, feminine voice read them.

'Blue. Eau de toilette'

"I wonder who'd wanna buy toilet water" Misato said after chugging a beer, right before adding "Wasn't Rei lovely in that commercial? I can't believe it! She's gonna be a star!"

"What? Rei? That was a top model called Rinako Asuhara, you drunk hag!" came Asuka's annoyed reply.

"Really? Figures. I knew Rei didn't have purple eyes, her's are brown!" said Misato with a giggle.

"Red!" shouted Shinji from outside the apartment.

"That's what I said"

"Jesus, Misato! Do you really have such a short memory span?" You know Shinji didn't say it, PenPen can't talk human, and Misato wouldn't talk to herself…yet. Maybe the next 3 beers.

"Oh will you calm down? You need to loosen up!"

"Loosen up? Loosen up!" started Asuka.

"Can I come in now?" Shinji asked, before Asuka could unleash her flaming vengeance.

"Not until you've thought about what you did. I'm very disappointed in you, Shinji" answered Misato with a frown that Shinji didn't see. A door, a wall, and a couch got in the way.

"Sorry"

"Yeah? Well, sorry doesn't changed the fact that you raped your poor sister"

"Misato, for the last time, I didn't rape her! And I didn't even know she was my sister!"

"IS, Shinji. She IS your sister, and you're never gonna have her again, because it's SICK. It's GOD DAMN SICK! I can't believe I raised such a SICK, SICK child! Besides, you even deny what you did! If you can't take responsibility of your own actions, then I can't let you into my house! If you need me, I'll be in my room" and with that, Misato got up and left, but not before spitting a "…you SICK BASTARD!"

After watching the small exchange, Asuka sighed and walked to her room.

After changing her clothes for no apparent reason, Asuka went into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers. Over the years, Misato had taught her kids the art of drinking beer. It consisted in, basically, opening the tab and drinking from it.

She opens the door to have Shinji, who had been resting against it, fall on her feet.

"Ouch"

"Here" was all she said as she gave him one of the cans and sat against a wall across from him.

"You know, you shouldn't be drinking. Your stomach might still be a bit upset" advised Shinji.

You know what's coming. All I'm saying is that it's in the Section 2 Agent Number 1492's POV.

(FLASHBACK! IN SECTION 2 AGENT NUMBER 1492'S POV! gasp)

Man, it suck's being called Section 2 Agent Number 1492. Can you believe the insults the kid's at school threw at me? It wasn't so bad. Then they started throwing rocks. It was bad.

Anyways, the chick that screams a lot screamed something like 'ahh, ahh, Gendo's genes in me' and ran to the bathroom to throw up.

(END FLASHBACK)

Asuka shivered at the memory, before explaining "Believe me, I need it"

"Yeah, me too…"

They sat there silently, for a few minutes, taking sips at their drinks, until Asuka put her beer down and started crawling towards Shinji. She closed in on his seated form, trapped him under her legs, and was about to press her lips against his, until a hand between them stopped her approach.

"Asuka, we can't" was Shinji's explanation.

"Shinji, I don't care if you're my brother" Asuka said, before sighing tiredly "I wouldn't care if you were my twin who's been dating my best friend who's actually been cheating on you with my son who was secretly my lover"

"Umm…what? You've been watching too many soap operas, Asuka…"

"Look, Queen said it best. Don't play hard to get. Play the game. All you have to do is fall in love" As she said this, she grabbed his hands and pushed him farther against the wall with her body, both hands at either side of him, trapped by her own. His struggles to free himself failed.

"I don't think Queen meant that for brothers" He said, as he intercepted Asuka's lips, which were headed towards his, with his cheek. "And why'd you bring that song up, anyways?"

"Beats me"

"Huh?"

"I love you Shinji. Don't you love me as well?" she said, as she put on a mask of vulnerability and fear.

"I love you too, Asuka. You know that" was Shinji's reply, as he stopped trying to free himself from her grip. "But we can't do this. At least not before we spend some time to think of this, we can't just ignore it"

"You know, the stooge could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time…" she said while moving her lips closer to Shinji's.

"True, but we can't be sure of that" said Shinji, as he moved his head to the side, taking Jesus's advice and giving his brother, or in this case sister, the other cheek. "So until proven wrong, we'll have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Why'd you ask him, anyways? Couldn't you have asked doctor Akagi to do it?"

"Yeah, but the author wanted to include the possibility of Kensuke being wrong so you could go beserk and beat him up" deadpanned Asuka.

"Oh…"

"Shinji, please," Asuka pleaded with watery eyes, going back to vulnerable mode "don't push me away…don't leave me…alone…"

"Asuka, don't cry…" Shinji watched as Asuka closed her eyes and lowered her head, and saw a single tear slide down her cheek. He moved a hand, that had been freed when Asuka supposedly broke down, and wiped the tear from her cheek. "I'll never leave you alone, no matter what"

Asuka grabbed his hand with her's, and pressed it against her cheek, relaxing in his touch. As she opened her puffy eyes and moved her lips, again, towards his, he didn't stop her, but embraced her. She had gotten their father's manipulative genes.

(-)(-)(-)

BRRRINNG

BRRRINNG

click

"Yes?"

"Umm, hello. Is this Ayanami?"

"Yes"

"Well, I'm in a bit of…trouble. I need some help"

"Who do you need taken care of?"

"How'd you know? Well, her name is…-" static "-and I need it done for tomorrow night"

"It will be done. May I inquire why would you need this done at such short notice?"

"Yes"

"…"

"…"

"Why do you need this done at such short notice?"

"Well, I have a…date…with Touji…and we didn't think of who was going to take care of his sister"

"Very well. You will have your date, Miss Horaki, and rest assured. Little Miss Sushuhara will no longer be a bother for you two"

click

(-)(-)(-)

The following morning…

The author didn't know what to write, so he decided to go play warcraft.

36 hours later…

Kaji was walking towards the elevators in Misato's apartment complex. For some reason, nobody else besides the artificial family lived there.

While he was on the elevator, he thought of a way to make people conscious of his name being Ryoji. Realizing that there was no way that could be done, he sighed, and stepped out of the elevator when it stopped at Misato's floor.

He walked towards her apartment door, stopping when he found two eva pilots outside the apartment, lying on the floor, holding each other.

"Asuka? Rei? What are you doing outside of the apartment, lying on the floor, holding each other?"

Wait, that's not right.

"AAAAH! WONDERGIRL, WHAT THE FUCK!" Asuka (obviously, I might add) screamed, as she pushed Rei away.

They both stood up and the three of them looked at each other, expecting someone to say something.

A few seconds of silence passed by…

…

…seconds that became minutes…

"I am leaving now" announced Rei, before doing just that. The other two simply stood there, looking at the elevator Rei had just gotten into.

"…well, personally, I had my money on Shinji" said Kaji with a small laugh.

"Ever tell anyone about this, and I'll make sure you don't have a father's day" warned Asuka before going into the apartment.

Kaji gulped and followed her inside.

(-)(-)(-)

"'_Cause now you're a man,_

_A man, man, man…_

_You know that you're a man_

_A man, man man…'"_

"Shinji, shut up"

"Don't talk to my boyfriend like that!" said Asuka angrily.

"More like brother…" muttered Kaji.

"Oh shut up! You're just missing all the attention you got from me!" retorted Asuka.

"Hey! This is between you and me, leave Kaji outta this!" fired Misato.

"What! This doesn't even involve you, and you're already deciding who has a say in it!" bombed Asuka.

"Now, now, Asuka. Misato IS your guardian, so I think-" was Kaji's failed counter-attack.

"Shinji's already eighteen, and in a few months, so will I!" was Asuka's following attack, almost conquering the eastern side of the enemy continent.

"Well, until then, this relationship will not be tolerated!" Misato countered, sending troops to battle, and salvaging the few cities that haven't been taken over, while pushing Asuka's forces back.

"Asuka" intervened Kaji, sending some forces across the northern West. "We're only doing this for your own good. I mean, I'm sure you two can find someone else, and-"

"I don't need someone else! I want Shinji!" Asuka made an attempt to salvage what was left of her lost territory.

"Listen to me, Asuka. If this goes on, things will get deeper. Eventually, you'll want to marry. Let's say you manage to do it, hiding the fact that you are brothers. After a while, you'll want children, and you know that kids from close relatives are usually born with dissabilities." Kaji's attack was relentless, pushing Asuka back to the southern Western corner of the continent.

"We could still adopt!" Asuka managed to organize what little troops she had left, and sent them to battle.

"What are you gonna tell the adoption agency?" Misato crushed them mercilessly "'We want a child but we can't have one on our own because we're brothers?"

"Well…maybe…you could-"

"Asuka, I am not going to help you with this! As much as I love you, this is not right!" Misato pushed the remaining forces of Asuka into a single city, and quickly besieged the lonely stand. "And if you attempt anything, we will make sure you're sent to the farthest branch of NERV apart from Japan's!" Misato continued relentlessly, being a hairline away from victory.

"Enough! This relationship does NOT involve you, Misato, it does not involve NERV, the U.N., or ANYONE ELSE!" Shinji's booming voice was 'the bomb that fell on Hiroshima', except this time it destroyed the soul-eating capitalists of Misatoshire. Long live the Union!

"Now Shinji, we're just trying to-"

"I don't wanna hear it, Misato. This is for Asuka and I to figure out. Breakfast's done, you can serve yourself, right?" Shinji didn't wait for an answer. "Asuka and I are going for a walk" said Shinji, while motioning Asuka to follow him. "We'll be back in an hour or two" And with that, they were gone.

"Oh great. This just makes things worse…" said Misato, adding a frustrated sigh while she threw her head back and put her hands in her forehead.

"How so?" asked Kaji, who had been filed in by Misato shortly after arriving.

"Now they feel the whole world is against them, and all they have is each other" explained Misato. "They probably feel this is a Romeo and Juliet situation…damn teenagers and their fantasies…"

"Actually, I'd say it's more of a 'what would happen with Luke and Leia if Han Solo hadn't existed' kind of situation" said Kaji, wearing a lopsided grin.

(-)(-)(-)

After giving Section 2 the slip, Shinji and Asuka walked into a small café in the far side of the city.

After ordering a black coffee for each and something to eat, Shinji broke the silence.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know, Shinji" replied Asuka. "I know I love you, but I'm starting to think that might not be enough…" she added, wearing a sad smile.

Shinji grabbed her hands in his, smiling reassuringly. "I wan't you to know that, no matter what happens, no matter what we decide, or what might get in the way, I will always be there for you and will never leave you alone"

Asuka smiled, this time earnestly, and stood up, never loosing his grip on her hand. "I'm not that hungry, how about we go somewhere else?" she asked, rhetorically.

Shinji stood up and wrapped an arm around her, protectively.

They left the café this way, not hearing, purposely or otherwise, the complaints of the waitress, who was shouting behind them:

"Hey! You haven't paid yet!"

(-)(-)(-)

A/N: After the long wait, I come back. I hope it hasn't lost any of the 'unrelated gibberish' style portrayed in the last chapter. I know it probably has, and all I have to say is sorry. Sorry. Anyways, I hope it's still funny.

The name Rinako Asuhara was taken from PuddleOfLCL's fic, 'Guest Performance'. Go read it, it's really good.

In other news, the Grammar Nazi couldn't pre-read this because he was busy. Everyone who wants him to come back, send a review saying "Grammar Nazi, come back to us!". Yes…send those reviews…

Speaking of reviews, I'll take some time answering each one here.

Rahel: I'm very flattered that I actually made someone's favorites, and yes, if Rei has a shot at hot sibling sex, why shouldn't Asuka?

Sun S. Li: Thanks for the rating, I'll try to keep it up to your expectations. Probably failed that in this one, but there's always a chance for a comeback!

Katyn1: Thanks for the review. wink

Kuroi-Yasha: Thanks a lot, I had that idea for an omake long ago, and wanted to use it. It was actually one of the reasons why I wrote this fic, heh.

Blackman: Don't worry, Rei will have her shot with Shinji, I'll make sure of that.

Shinji Ikari01: Heh, I'm sure you're hating me now. If I were you, I would've expected a better, more interesting way of them taking the news. Well, hope you enjoyed it.

Anyways, OMAKE TIME!

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I shall be your host for this edition of the omake.

This time, we shall see a little joke about the way things work between Shinji and Asuka…with a twist…

The scene is simple. Shinji and Touji are outside Misato's apartment. Shinji is carrying a grocery bag, while Touji has his hands in his pockets. They are both taken aback when Asuka pops outta the door and starts ranting…

Asuka: "Ranting at the top of my lungs about something degradating you were supposed to do; and/or insinuation of you being my slave; all the while refering to you as 'Baka Shinji' or 'Third Child'."

Shinji: "Stammered apologize that strenghtens the point that I'm spineless."

Asuka: "Threats that involve excruciating physical pain unless my desires are met."

Shinji: "Yelp and stammered confirmation that your desires will be met; all along speaking with a squeaky voice"

Toji: "What the fuck is wrong with all eva pilots! I'm getting out of here..."

Meanwhile, somewhere on a remote tropical island that somehow managed to not get swallowed by the seas after Second Impact…

Asuka: "I can't believe putting dummies of ourselves to replace us actually fooled the idiots. I just hope there aren't any angel attacks while we're taking some time off."

Gasp Whatatwist!

Shinji: "Don't worry, the next angel won't attack until you ask me to kiss you and cover it up by saying it was because you were bored. You know, that scene is kinda tricky, 'cause most people see it as comic relief, but it's actually the point in the story where you start hating me because I didn't hold you while we kissed."

Asuka: "Really? How'd you know?"

Shinji: "It's in the director's cut edition of the series in the mind-rape episode."

Asuka: "Haven't seen that one. Anyways, shut up and keep doing that. Moan That feels sooo gooood."

Shinji: "I still can't see how rubbing the stain on your bikini bottom makes you feel good."

Asuka: "You're so naive..."

Fin.

Call me lazy for using the same joke twice. See if I care.

Thank you for your attention.


End file.
